Friday 13 September 2013

I feel guilty but I know I have to do it

It's a difficult place to be in and a hard issue to deal with. I feel like I am being pulled in 2 directions and with either decision I make, something will go wrong.

So here's the situation; and hopefully, it'll be a quick enough story.

I've lived with my mom my entire life and I'm currently 32 years old. Five years ago, after I got a full-time job, my mother packed up our household of six (mom, big brother, auntie, cousins B1&B2 and me) and bought a house. Things were going great for quite a few years and then it started to go bad. My aunt lost her job at a company she worked at for over 15 years. She found another job quickly but the income was no where close to where it used to be. A few months later, I lost my job. Within the year, my brother lost his job too. He's been doing much better than me since he managed to have a friend who had a mechanic shop give him a bit of work and has now started a new full time position that just started this week.  And I'm still sitting here unemployed and very discouraged.

I have an opportunity to go back to school in Hamilton, where I want to live. I would be on my own with a lot of friends and family living in the vicinity.  That's great, but my mom will still be here, an hour away in Toronto struggling financially to take care of the house.

I can admit I am a procrastinator by nature, which is definitely not a good thing.  Right now, I'd like to get a full time job, stay with my mom and put myself through school, part time. I have not been able to do so and it's becoming more difficult.

I even got an offer today to work at a collection agency in Mississagua. Problem? I'd have to work every other Saturday. It's very important for me not to work on Friday evenings and Saturdays all day. This is for religious reasons and it's very important to me. I told them the reason and I got a "thank you but no" response.

I know what I have to do and I don't have anymore time to put it off, unless I miraculously get a full-time job before January.

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